For most people, the word swingers is a swear word, denoting something obscene, far beyond the boundaries of normal human relationships. Nevertheless, this subculture exists and develops. Its adherents can be quite respectable-looking people. This article will tell you who swingers are, what they find in this format of relationships and how to get involved in their community.
Who are the swingers
The term “swing” comes from the English word “swing”, which means “to switch” or “to change”. Swingers are couples who exchange partners for sex. It is a community of people who consider themselves to be committed to an alternative lifestyle. Swingers can be not only hetero but also homosexual couples: lesbians and gays.
Swinging is not a newfangled trend. Australian Aborigines used it to increase fertility. In ancient China, husbands encouraged their wives to hook up with familiar couples when they were away for a long time.
The US Air Force settlements of World War II are considered the starting point in the history of modern swing. The woman of a dead pilot would often “pass on” to his friend. If he had a wife, she would accept the widow with sympathy and understanding. Swinging in the form of “IWW” thus flourished. During the Korean War, the trend continued.
In the 1960s, the first swingers’ clubs formed in California. It was the hippie era, when sex lost its status as something intimate. The swing movement was officially registered in 1975. The organisation was headed by Robert Ginley.
Statistically, swing supporters are intelligent people, almost always highly educated and broadminded. They have a decent income. In ordinary life, they are no different from others: raising children, going to work, and socialising with neighbours and friends. Swingers are not into alcohol and drugs. Alcohol is consumed culturally and in moderation.
There is age discrimination in swinging. Those over 40 organise their own communities.
How they differ from classic couples. In classic couples, intimacy with anyone other than each other is considered cheating, followed by at least a scandal. Swingers voluntarily find a couple to have sex with on their own. Everything happens only with mutual consent.
Swingers are not jealous of each other. They enjoy watching their partner enjoy sex with a stranger. The philosophy of swinging is that the husband (wife) is not property, has a right to pleasure.
Swinging differs from polyamorous relationships in that there is no crush, no emotional attachment. There is no romance in a swinging relationship, only physiology.
Why become swingers
The main reason people become swingers is to get a more intense experience of sex. In a long-term relationship, it loses its spice and becomes almost mechanical. Contemplating the person you love while having sex with someone else stirs up a cocktail of emotions. It is a mixture of jealousy, fear of loss, passion, even a desire for revenge. All swing enthusiasts have one thing in common – a tendency towards emotional sadomasochism.
Another reason why people start practising swinging is to push their sexual boundaries. It is a new kind of sexual caress, a fresh sensation, an awareness of one’s own body, an emancipation.
There are couples in which one of the partners has a much higher libido than the other. Swinging is an opportunity for them to satisfy their needs without cheating. With new partners one can realize one’s sexual fantasies, be disappointed in them or have fun.
The average age of swinger couples in clubs is 35-40 years old. This is the age when marital intimacy is already “bursting at the seams” for many. Some begin to cheat, others suffer from sexual frustration, while others honestly try to diversify sex together. But psychologists warn that if a couple already have problems, the swinging will only make them worse. This is the opinion of swingers with experience. Swapping partners will either lead to separation or strengthen the relationship.
Types of swing sex
The following types of swing are distinguished:
- With a complete exchange. A man and a woman completely disconnect from each other and engage in new partners. This is classic swinging.
- With partial exchange. A man and a woman have sex only with each other, but the other couple also takes part in the fondling. This is the starting point from which the swinging craze begins.
- Soft swinging. A man and woman have sex only with each other, but another couple is in the room with them.
- Open Swing. Couples have sex practically on the same bed, switching partners an unlimited number of times.
- Closed. Swapped couples have sex separately from each other. The husband may go with another man’s wife to another flat for a whole weekend – it all depends on the degree of loyalty of the partners and their desire. Usually couples just go their separate rooms.
A swinger couple may invite only a woman or a man, arranging a threesome. In clubs, steamy intimacy often develops into an orgy. However, classic swinging is two married couples.
Basic rules of swinging
Swinging is not for everyone. Some people try it once out of curiosity and never go back, reliving it for a long time. The reason is psychological unpreparedness, internal aversion. It is impossible to foresee one’s reaction to legalised cheating in advance. No matter how much a person imagines such pictures, the reality is unpredictable.
Some people are left with unpleasant impressions of swinging because they do not follow the rules of the meeting. The main ones are:
- Mutual trust. Swinging is suitable for couples who talk openly with each other about sex and their desires and preferences. It is important to make sure that the partner honours the agreement and does not allow himself or herself to go overboard.
- Taking good care of the replacement partner. The aim of the meetings is mutual pleasure. No pain should be inflicted and wishes should be listened to. The other woman also needs foreplay to help her loosen up and get aroused.
- Taking care of your partner’s feelings. This is important in open swinging. You should not fondle another woman more actively and inventively than your own. The purpose of swinging is to strengthen the union, not undermine it.
- Define the boundaries of what is allowed. Swingers pair up based on common interests. It could be a BDSM, anal sex, fisting, or strictly classical. They should discuss beforehand if kissing and using toys are possible.
- Distance. Swingers very rarely bring a partner into their everyday life. The area of contact is limited to physical pleasure only.
- Health Care. With all the trust in partners, condoms and antiseptic solutions should not be forgotten. Do not touch the genitals of different women with the same hand. The microflora of this area is sensitive to interference. The encounter may end in cystitis, urethritis, STDs. Latex wipes can be used for oral sex. They are thin, soft and odourless. The sensation is only slightly diminished.
You should not invite your ex as swing partners. This is unnecessary emotion for everyone. Friends are not suitable either. Sooner or later, jealousy will spoil the relationship or information about the unusual hobby will be leaked to the general public.
Where to find swingers
Decent swingers take a long time to get to know each other. It can take weeks from the first meeting to sex. It takes time to get used to each other, to accept each other on an emotional level. You may be asked for an intimate health certificate – this is normal.
The easiest option for dating for swinging is on special websites. People write to each other, exchange photos, chat, and meet in person.
Where swingers gather
Swingers gather at special clubs, swinger parties or kicking parties. You can find out about the location and times of these events on the internet. There are organizers in almost every city.
The benefits of clubs:
- Security. At the entrance, staff ask for an STD certificate, do not allow drunk people in, remove suspicious people out, do not allow photos or videos to be taken.
- Gender balance and choice. During pre-registration staff monitors the quality and quantity of participants.
- Comfort. Clubs have beds, cubicles, screens, antiseptic and showers.
- Entertainment. You won’t have to loiter in the corners. The clubs have shows, drinks and snacks. There are presenters who hold unifying contests and invite you to participate, e.g. in tying (shibari).
You should apply to the club of your choice in advance. Some of them interview potential participants by video link. Once approved, you have to pay the fee and wait to be notified of the venue and time. It is not necessary to have sex at the party. There is a high chance of meeting a suitable couple for further meetings outside the club. There are some events where sex is not provided at all, only swing dating.
Hedonosm ll and Hedonism lll hotels in Jamaica are considered a swinger’s paradise. The relaxed, erotic atmosphere, the sea, the pools and beaches and the theme parties are an invitation to experiment. The website is https://www.hedonism.com/.
It is also possible to meet at an artisanal “flat”, but there is no guarantee of comfort or safety. This swing format is only suitable for couples who have known each other for a long time.
It is also possible to be invited to a swing party by acquaintances. Often the organizers of such events do not arrange castings, accept absolutely everyone, providing only a cottage or recreation base. Family scandals are common at such events, it is not possible to relax, and there are a lot of domestic problems.
Conclusion
Swinging is not a method of therapy, but a conscious choice of mentally mature people. If there are doubts or a tendency to be jealous, it is better to refrain from experimenting. There are other ways to save the relationship, for example with the help of a marriage counsellor or a sex therapist. A condom must be used with any type of intimate contact, otherwise couples will not only share STDs but also have children.
